Tiny Plastic Houses

Passing Thoughts Spoken, Penned, Thought Throughout the Past Few Days

Thoughts About Insanity (Written in an email):
In my head I’m an 80 pound freak with twitchy, birdlike movements and tangled hair. I slink, head down… tilted to the side, like I’m listening for you.. waiting for you to call. You never do…

That’s the beast in my head… dark and ugly, scared, scarred and twisted… waiting for someone to kill it, squash it… destroy it…

Thoughts About My Past (Partial Tweet):
The cruelty suffered at the hands of men she held divine rendered her completely and irrevocably insane. One wonders if they nodded approvingly when they met on the street or if each held himself accountable for the destruction he’d wrought?

Thoughts About Sex vs. Love (Tweeted, then deleted):
When all you know is kink, normality becomes the perversion… I find myself longing for a lover to *love* me… As if that could happen! I am a freak… A fragment… alone. I was built to be what other people want me to be, be damned with myself. Unfortunately, I trust too much in others’ good intentions… very rarely do they pan out!

On my Disease (IM never sent):
There is nothing more depressing than knowing in 2 hours, you must take a shot that fucks with your head, makes you vomit, makes you miserably, alone, sad and in pain and knowing that, if you don’t take it… you could have all these problems, or worse, all the time…

On Danger (Unspoken thought):
You are dangerous… Even looking at you could break my heart. One insensitive word and I would stumble. Rejection? Definitely destructive… and all you can say is that I’m dangerous?!? I walk away and you would be fine. You walk away and I would be nothing. All you have to do is say you don’t care and my self-construct comes plummeting to the ground – And I’m dangerous… My dogmatic desire to make the world love me makes you inherently more dangerous  than I could ever be. Where I don’t want to hurt anybody, you want to push us all away… Danger is relative… You… are dangerous… I like dangerous.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 6th, 2009 at 10:46 am. It is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.