I think it might have been Spotify or Pandora (probably Spotify). At first I was all “I didn’t know Alex was on here…” then I realized, you weren’t. Yeah, your past you, your mortal coil, sure. But you aren’t anywhere anymore… and yet, you’re everywhere. So many of my cyber pieces were connected to your cyber bits…

Making it impossible to forget you, as if I could… as if I would.

So it went something like this:

I know what you mean about Alex. Never did I think her death would affect me as much as it did and still does. I mean, I grew up with death. He and I are on familiar terms. His reapings should not affect me… Right?

But Alex! She hit me like lightning: hard, fast, & leaving delicate, beautiful scars that never go away…

Maybe because I identify so strongly with a lot of the little pieces of her I held. Maybe because I looked forward to our interactions when I rarely look forward to interactions with anyone. Maybe because I gave her pieces of myself that I don’t give away. Not to anyone.

By it kills me every time I think about it. Every. Fucking. Time.

I can only imagine how it must have affected you, having known her far longer. More intimately. Just more…

(I miss you so much. Every day I find you over and over again — You were just so intertwined with so many areas of my life that I didn’t even realize until you are there… but you’re not there. I wish nothing but the very best for you no matter where you end up or where you go.

But if you come back, you look me up, ok? I’ll be that 60 year old hag and you’ll be the 20-something art star with the music in your soul and the words at your finger tips. We’ll share lives for a minute and you can fill my time with your soul for as long as you need/want… I promise I won’t mind.)