Tiny Plastic Houses

I love to drive fast. Really fast …. 100 mph or more. The grey ghost and I blazing past everything that would hold us back, radio blaring, tires squealing, windows open … not bad for a wagon, eh

Ahh, but she’s not just any wagon. She’s a 2003 Pontiac Vibe GT … the first one in the KC area. Her handling and suspension are awesome (cuts in and out like a knife). Feels like you’re just scooting over into the next lane instead of driving into it!  Sports a racing clutch (manual transmission, of course … fuck that pussy automatic shit!) And the VVT!! Oh, HELL YEAH… there have been several occasions where I’ve romped the gas, the VVT kicks in and throws me back in my seat, flings my head back, makes me gasp … absolutely amazing!

No, no – I’m not a maniac, really! I just, as the lovely German repairman remarked, “like to enjoy my drive.” And boy do I!!

I, quite recently, had the opportunity, to drive my little car as fast as I could down I-70 towards Independence from KCK in the wee hours of the morning… Racing around curves at speeds often above 95 mph, passing everyone I met (very few, I might add), hitting 120 mph on the straight aways … was invigorating. No fear, no cares … nothing more than loud music, my car and the road … sailing along like nothing mattered … and at the time it didn’t.

You see … I’m a bit of a runner. Fight or flight? You hurt me and I want to get as far from you as I can as fast as possible – and I was tremendously hurt!! So, my hyper was in overdrive! Screaming with the radio, leaning into the curves … eyes narrowed, watching, waiting … almost begging for something to foul up the road just to see if we could take it. Feeling at once immortal and yet extremely vulnerable… probably the worst state of mind to be in for me… it breeds self-contempt, hatred and destruction – Going faster and faster until you burst into fire!

But, that’s the thing about driving fast: If you have an actual destination, the drive is over much too quickly! Soon I was home, having met no policemen, nor fate, and was left alone with my thoughts … the heavy weight of insecurity, of exhaustion and sadness and fear … All that had been but a distant thought while driving …

Why aren’t the roads longer? Why can’t the night last forever?

Where are all the cops that time of night?

Good Night …

~H